Its 4am but I dont feel like sleeping.

I mean Im sleepy and all but after browsing through some photos on facebook and looking at some profiles, dang Im thinking about alot of things again. I (secretly) think newsfeed sucks. Sometimes you dont want to know about things, or dont want to get reminded of things/people but they just appear and pop up on your newsfeed. Ridiculous things that people say, unreasonable things that they think... Dang reading those just makes your blood boil -.- And the best thing is, they arent even "top" news please?!

Before I entered the modelling industry, I always doubted about the expectations of a "beauty queen" or something along that line, thinking that they only have the looks, but dont have the brains nor confidence nor charisma nor ability to even speak coherently. Now that I am in the industry, I realize that the focus has somewhat shifted. If you ask me, "beauty queens" should at least have some sort of beauty? Yeah probably that definition is subjective and different to different people but... At least not when you look like THAT? -.- And the best thing is that they are so full of themselves thinking that they are oh so awesome.

Or maybe I just look down on people who cross the limits way too much just to achieve what they want. I dont care if its their choice, its also my choice to judge them the way I want to.

Annoying things aside, I met lover yesterday for dinner at holland village so as to commemerate her job attachment, cuz I promised to go to her office area to keep her company for lunch/dinner :S Ended up that stupid girl paid for my early birthday dinner when I went to the washroom. SHE DID THAT LAST YEAR TOO. EXACTLY THE SAME. LOL. Still, crystal jade la mian xiao long bao is still as awesome as ever :) Super miss the xlb buffet hahahaha we were talking about it the entire time and mustttttt go back soon !!!! :) Haven been there for like four months I think ! We tried wendy nuggets after that and it was not bad but expensive and not worth it. At all. Didnt spend much time but I think it was enough for birthday celebration part one ( totally unplanned ) and she tricked me. TERRIBLY. I totally fell for it 100% cuz I trusted her and everything she said was pretty typical and possible of her ( though it might not be possible for other people HAHAHAHHA ) and dang I KNEW IT BUT I STILL TRUSTED HER. I cant believe I got tricked cuz Im highly suspicious of people and I hardly ever get tricked -_-


Is half a year a long period of time? Ive spent half a year doing nothing. It doesnt seem like alot. But for half a school year, it seems like alot. Its pretty amazing though. Ever since A levels ended, Ive travelled to hongkong, taiwan, bintan and genting. Ive started and finished learning driving ( but yet to pass my test ): ) , started modelling and witnessed and insane amount of stuff for myself, attempted to work but failed hahahaha, spent alot of times with my friends and tadah, all these months are over. If I think of it this way, yes six months is a long time. Its so scary how it passed by so quickly.

Sometimes I feel like I dont know what Im doing. Other times, I feel like Im not doing enough. Otherwise, I feel like Im not doing right. Nothing I do seems to be something Im sure of, something that I know is right and something that I know will work out. Sometimes I feel like breaking out of my comfort zone and principles I set for myself, to accept things, to be less critical. But at the end of the day... I just cant. I want to, but I cant.