You know, I always feel like blogging. There are so many occasions by which I have lots of thoughts in my mind and I think, Okay I shall sit down and blog about it all... But in the end nothing comes out. Most of the time my thoughts are so jumbled up I find it near impossible to organize them. Otherwise, it'd be that in the midst of thinking, I realize that the statements I want to make dont exactly hold cuz there are other perspectives and sides to it :O Thats exactly why Ive been procrastinating for the week and there has been zero updates since then. Ha ha.

These few days, Ive been in a really cranky mood and all and so much so much have been going through my mind. Ive been thinking about everything from my life to dealing with people to the past.. Everything.

Once in awhile I start to wonder, why did whatever once happened happen? Things happen for a reason, but till now I still havent found the reason why it happened, or the reason it happened for. I dont know how things can develop so quickly and deteriorate so rapidly at the same time, but whenever I think back and the memories flow back, I cant help but notice how quickly everything happened. The implications that lasted till now and the things that I hear about even until now, cant help but make me wonder if there was more than that to it. But why is it so everything happened so quickly?

When I look at past photos, even those that are irrelevant to you, so long it corresponds to the period of time when you left me the deepest memory, I think of you. When I looked at volleyball photos taken during the competition period, you came up in my mind. It somehow hasnt really left my mind that you were my greatest focus during the entire period. No I am not emoing over you, I just happened to think back, reminiscise and wonder.

Dear senior, I wonder how you are? Are you happier now? Have you let go of everything you once couldnt? Are you surviving well wherever you are? Are you enjoying your life? Is everything smooth? I wish I had a telescope to look (dno how many kilometres away) and find out how you really are :') I miss you

If theres a will, theres a way. Is this really true? I think its true for some things, but not for all and not all the time. Mostly, it isnt. It only applies for things like... "I will finish my homework" and not "I will be able to produce quality work with correct answers". Not everything is within everybody's ability. Too bad I couldnt do miracles to make everyone happy. Too bad not everyone could perform miracles to make me happy.

I have expectations, alot instead. There are so many things that offend me, piss me off and everything, I doubt I could ever be done listing all of them out. I am so temperamental and everything. Im just not your girl next door. I have a fiesty temper and an unpredictable attitude. So.... Dont love me. Its not worth it :)

Baaaaaaaaaah I wanted to type so much more but you know what, I lost track of my thoughts. Again. Ohwellz I shall leave the rest to tomorrow.

Ohyes my cleo swimsuit shoot's out in the june issue already teehee. Nothing big but.... I still feel a certain sense of happiness. Its like the first little step out :)